Friend Therapy
by Kharissa
Summary: Romano gets slightly depressed, so he decides to call Canada. What follows is romping in the 'crack', some interesting jokes and things that only best friends can do. After all, there's nothing better than a best friend when you're down. Request from Riverclan23! Rated T for language, dirty jokes and repeated misuse of the word 'crack'


Canada was relaxing at home alone. Usually that would be a problem. But since he'd started dating Prussia, loneliness was never an issue. The albino had gone out with... one of his trios. The blond couldn't remember which. That left a small Canadian sitting in front of a fireplace, sipping hot chocolate and reading a book by Cornelia Funk. The ringing of his phone took him by surprise and he dropped his book. Staring at it for a couple seconds, he just opted to get the call.

"H-hello?"

"Bonjourno, Maple bastard..."

"Lovi, you sound depressed... what's wrong?"

"Oh, the usual"

"You were thinking about your brother again, w-weren't you"

"Hmpf. Why would I do that?"

"B-because yesterday was a pretty rough meeting for you..."

It sounded like Romano was switching positions on a bed or a couch as he sighed and just gave up.

"Fine. Si, I was thinking of stupid fratello and his boring German husband and how me and Antonio have been together longer and the damned bastard hasn't asked me to marry him yet. Feli's life is just fucking perfect. The only thing he has to worry about it whether or not we have fucking pasta or whether potato bastard is following him. He's just like your damned brother!"

Canada chuckled at this and finished his drink. He looked through his list of things to do, which was right beside him. Lovino listened for a couple seconds, and there was a little more life in his voice as he spoke.

"You're planning something, aren't you, damned bastard?"

"Oui... you need cheering up"

"Si... fine. But if you don't answer the fucking door, I am breaking it down"

"U-understood... I'll have a new door on standby"

A chuckle was the only goodbye Matthew got as the line went dead. Since it was winter, they could go skating or sledding, then come back and go to a club. An hour later there were three knocks on the door, and Canada made sure he took his time with answering it. When he got to it, Lovino had his boot ready to kick it down. They smirked at each other and Lovino leaned against the doorframe.

"So. Bastard, this weather's fucking cold and the crack's on the ground"

"U-um... that's snow, n-not crack... I have yet to see someone try t-to snort snow"

"Whatever. Since the crack's falling, I'm gonna take a wild guess and say we're doing something in the fucking crack?"

"Oui, then we can go clubbing or to a bar o-or something"

"Hmpf. Well, let me in, I need to get ready. Where are the fucking special pants I have to wear?"

"Beside the special coat, b-boots, hand things and bowl hat"

"Che. Make fun of me, when you're the one who has to dress in forty different layers just to go to... Skatkatchewing..."

"Saskatchewan?"

"Shut up. I know how to pronounce things!"

"J-just let me text Gil and we can go"

"You really have him on a leash, huh?"

"Only in b-bed~"

"Attaboy Mat!"

The two laughed and got on their snow stuff. Canada texted Prussia, saying he'd probably be out for the entire night. The reply was the information that Gilbert wouldn't be returning home until tomorrow, so it was fine for the two to hit the town.

"Romano, d-did you prepare for a sleepover?"

"Si, of course! I know how things fucking work when I come over"

"Good... sledding or skating?"

"Well, I don't have to wear the fucking stupid tomato helmet in sledding"

"Sledding it is then... I just hope your c-curl doesn't get caught on a tree branch this time..."

"Then don't fucking steer us into the trees! And YOU SAID WE WOULDN'T TALK ABOUT THAT AGAIN!"

Canada gave Romano a smirk and grabbed the crazy carpets from the hallway. After a mini-fight with them, the two eventually made it to the black pickup truck. They drove to the hill and got out, running to it. Neither of them could wait (for the other to wipe out)! The two ran up the hill and stood at the top of it, a strange mix of adrenaline and fear flowing through their veins. Canada shook it off and pushed his friend, who went flying down the hill in an awkward position on his crazy carpet. And he was screaming 'DAMNED BASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD!' the entire way down. Matthew took a flying leap on his crazy carpet and flew down the hill. When he got down the slope, his face was suddenly very cold and his vision was white. Not the kinky kind, all he could see was the snow in his glasses.

"HA! YOU HAVE CRACK ON YOUR FACE, MAPLE BASTARD! I- CHIGI!"

Romano was interrupted by having to dodge a snowball that came flying at his face. This started an all-out war with the friends, complete with forts and flags drawn in the snow. Canada was obviously superior at throwing the cold stuff, but Romano had practice in throwing round objects at people... mostly Spain. After they had managed to throw all the snow in a five-foot radius at each other, they signed a truce in the snow. The Italian smirked at his friend and they started walking up the hill.

"Wanna race, Mat?"

"I-In other words, you want to eat my crack?"

"Now you're getting it! And no, I do not want to eat your crack. That shit is fucking disgusting!"

"You ate the yellow-"

"NO! What are you saying, damned bastard!?"

Canada laughed and stood beside his ami at the top of the hill. They sat on their crazy carpets and counted to three. Canada grabbed Romano's sled and gave it a hard tug, sending the Italian spinning down the hill. The Canadian laughed and followed, but luck was not with him. He hit a very steep ramp in just the right way and was sent flying. He somehow ended up landing on the auburn-haired man, and they tumbled down the hill in a mass of nausea and dizziness. They rolled on flat ground for a little, before getting up and hi-fiving. And doing the same thing for about two hours straight.

"W-we should probably go n-now... we can hit the club, if y-you want"

"Nah... let's go get pizza"

Matthew shrugged. He wasn't in the mood for making people think he was straight, only for him to tell them he was gay and call Gilbert when they didn't believe him. What!? The reactions were funny... b-but of course, he only did it when under the influence of Lovino!

The two arrived at Matthew's house and took off the snow gear. They thwacked each other with the crazy carpets and set them in the living room, then sat down for a little. Canada pulled out his list of things to do and checked to see if one of his favourite pizza places was there. It was called 'Mama Luccea's Pizza Parlour', and they were open all night. The violet-eyed man showed his friend the name and got a snort in partial reply.

"The name sounds fucking bleh.. you better hope they didn't fuck anything up with the pizza, or I'm going to kick someone's ass all the way to fucking Russia"

"Y-you do realise it's not that far a kick... d-depending on what coast you're kicking from, of course"

"Si, I know. For once, your fratello is good for something... keeping the damned sunflower bastard away from you"

"O-oui... though, I could probably keep him away... I-I'll just tell him the crack here tastes l-like shit, especially the yellow stuff"

"HEY!"

"So you did e-eat the yellow snow!"

The two had a wrestling match on the couch and floor, with the auburn haired man winning quickly. They shook hands, got Matthew unstuck from his awkward rolled-up position and got on their coats. While smacking each other. It was a feat only best friends could accomplish.

The pizza place wasn't that far from the house so they just walked, with Lovino complaining the entire time that it was cold. Matthew smirked and retorted, saying the Italian's country was too hot, and that if he stayed over there for a long period of time he'd start eating tomatoes like apples and would start flirting with every girl he saw.

"You probably do that anyways... damned wine bastard side..."

"G-Gil enjoys it"

"Si, but he's the pervert of their fucking special group!"

"Oui, b-but he's said on many occasions that I'm actually better than Papa"

"You know, your mix of heritage is fucking weird. You've got scone bastard and wine bastard and a little of potato bastard and some of boob bastardette and leprechaun bastard... and somehow you turn out okay... damn, you're fucked up!"

"Hah, I-I know... but I enjoy it, b-because it means I'll have minions when I take o-over the world and you get the south h-half of it and Gil and I split the top half"

"You're insane, maple bastard... how much of Europe will I get?"

"Ah... y-you can have all of it, except for Germany"

"I don't want that fucking potato-infested land anyways! The people are just going to try and shove their sausages down my throat and tell me to drink beer! WINE IS BETTER, DAMNED GERMAN BASTARD!"

"A-ah... you can also have Italy"

"Duh! And is this the place? It looks kinda weird.."

They had stopped in front of a building with a sign of a woman holding a giant pizza. Matthew nodded and the two walked in. Immediately Lovino sniffed the air and frowned. They got a booth and sat down, looking over the different kinds of pizza they could order. They settled on four slices of pepperoni, with extra cheese. They got root beer, because (much to both of their disappointment) there wasn't wine. When they got the pizza, they sat down and took a bite. And suddenly Romano was gone. Canada had just enough time to register that before he realised there was swearing in Italian and English in the room where they made the pizza. Quickly, the worried blond ate all four slices and poked his head in the back to see the auburn-haired man yelling like only an Italian can. The Canadian didn't catch all of it, but the result was that they were there for a while, making pizza. Because the pizza the employees made 'shamed the Italian way'

"The stupid idiotas put too much fucking oregano in and not enough tomato sauce, they used the wrong kind of cheese and the pepperoni was too thick. Fuckasses! How can they call this an Italian place when they don't fucking know how to make Italian style pizza!"

"A-ah.. Lovi, c-calm down, just a little... y-you're cutting a little close to your hand"

The end result was that the pizza was amazing, and the workers practically fell to their knees in front of the two. They just grabbed a box, put the pizza in there and walked out, leaving the recipe behind them.

"U-um, was it a good idea to leave the recipe there?"

"Si, that was Feli's. Mine is a hell of a lot better!"

Chuckling and joking, the two walked back to the house and kicked the crazy carpets out of the way. They put on pyjamas and sat in the middle of the floor, eating the deliciousness until about four in the morning. Canada had some chocolate stored away from Halloween, so they ate the rest of his stash too.

"I'll never underschtand wvhy you thelebrate zschis, but-"

"I-it's for the candy... and I usually don't get any, so th-this is my half of Gil's stash"

"Weird Canadian customs..."

They weren't exactly sure how it happened, but they fell asleep on a bed of wrappers and a box. When they woke up, Canada had a pepperoni stuck to the side of his face, and Romano had sauce on his eyelid and cheek. They laughed at each other and threw wrappers, watching them fall like snow- er, crack. Lovino turned to the blond pepperoni-faced Canadian and gave one of his rare smiles.

"Grazie, Matteo... "

"Y-you're welcome... I'm here any time, o-okay?"

"Si, si I know, bastard"

Matthew rolled his eyes and hugged his best friend, feeling the hug returned immediately. But only for a few seconds, because an albino and a chocolate-haired man burst through the door, regretting it after because of their still-throbbing heads. Prussia looked at the two and half-smirked, half-smiled. It looked like both sets of friends had a good night! Romano threw more wrappers at the blond beside him and smiled. He knew he'd most likely be back for friend therapy... and maybe he'd come around even when he didn't need the healing powers of his Canadian best friend.

(AN: This is a request from Riverclan23, so I hope I got everything at least partially right!)


End file.
